To feel…it might just cost you
The world as we know it is so vast, so huge, endless even to say. So many cultures, so many ways of being, amidst all that difference we see. The silent whispers of the same illness. Masking as something else, masking as something they are not. At least that’s what I’ve observed. You tell me differently. You tell me if I’m not seeing clearly, if I’m imagining it. But as growth manifests, we only see clearer by the day. But to be the observer of the world, a world that constantly spins. At least that’s what they say, right? A world that spins. Wow. Of course it does. I believe you so that I am not shamed or ever questioned. Duly noted.
The hustle and bustle of life. The endless lists of preoccupation. The loud chatter that surrounds us. But nobody speaks. Nobody truly speaks. When was the last time you heard someone say something real? The chatter fades into distant memory because of the empty words, the filler words that take up most conversations. Most people have made up their mind about you before uttering a word anyway, so who should care? Sizing you up with everything that is meaningless.
The unwelcoming.
I don’t need your validation. Truth be told, I never needed it. You only thought I did to play your hand as I watched to see what you make of it. I only wanted my sanity back. My peace back, at least that was mine. I only need to see who you chose to be. I only need to see what you secretly think of me to make the ultimate executive decision without speaking before you.
To speak honestly, to speak openly, will only be respected by the rare few, so why bother? To waste my breath when nobody would catch or cater the words that come out of my mouth. They can never understand the breath of fire. Before speaking anything truthful, there is an automatic smackdown. Their own aim is to twist, mistake, and weaponize words as their personal ammo. A personal arsenal when need be. An identifying target for malfunction, for dysfunction. What makes you think I want a part in that?
Assumptions.
Do you aim to be brutally honest or brutally cruel? I can’t tell. Laser-sharp is my guess. Winning at all costs must be your life goal. Priorities misaligned completely. The point of understanding was never available to begin with. Therefore, no prior dance is required. Dance class dismissed.
Take a bow.
But I was the only one left on the battlefield to be named cruel. Cruel to your advantage. Cruel intentions. The perfectly curated villain in the story. Challenge accepted. If being the villain gives me back my sanity, gladly. If being the villain provides me back my peace, gladly. Suffering fools gladly is not on the itinerary for today, never was. That was the mistake. Even when you thought I was the easiest target.
What a glorious accomplishment to feel the least. A glorified temporary moment that couldn’t last any shorter. A glorious personification of the winning victor. The cost of feeling. The cost of feeling too much should not exist. Shutting it down at all costs to preserve what is already unnatural to begin with.
To feel nothing.
To think we are shutting down the whole other side of the human experience is baffling. It isn’t whole. It isn’t complete. I never saw it as tough, as strong, as admirable. Never something I could fully participate in. Because my greatest work is when I feel it all in full, wholeheartedly. Spitting out something superbly natural for a world to see.
Because to feel it might just cost you, but to me, to feel might just be my ultimate liberation.
Is it terrifying to feel, or is it terrifying to feel nothing at all?
To each their own.
One day you’ll find the pain was the ultimate roadmap to your destined path.
I hope you can take the boomerang on the chin as I did.
I held the pain like my friend, while you stand in front of the pain like your enemy.
Threading energy, karma, and universal mind to seal your fate.
Ignorance is bliss to the untrained eye.
Ignorance is death to the intelligent.
I recognize and can back track my footsteps, can you?
Thank you for understanding the unspoken world.
The unseen world.
You are completely needed.
Do as thou wilt.
Poetic Justice.
MY MISSION IS MINE.
MAXIMA VEGA 